Upon receiving this 4.5-week stint as some kind of teacher/foreigner/thing at Bastos Primary School, there were some vague mentions of music, drawing, children, me learning something, and maybe everyone else learning something in the process, too. What I was getting myself into was sort of unclear, but I was pretty thrilled to be involved. I like being challenged, I generally enjoy being a leader, and I love being with people of other cultures. While the thought of teaching music made me a little nervous, I figured it was doable.
I had three days to kind of get to know people and see how things were done. There are plenty of obvious and drastic differences between modern American and Cameroonian schools, but the two that hit me first were 1) the ginormous class sizes and therefore virtually no individualized attention and 2) the disciplinary aspect. I have heard more talk and threats about beating than I have actually seen (and I know it was probably just this way in the U.S. not too long ago)...but it still makes me uncomfortable. Until that point, I had been worried about what in the world I would teach these kids. After a few days, though, I decided that the way I taught was probably more important than what I taught. I resolved that my goals were to try to make kids feel a bit more like individuals while I was the "teacher"...and to prove to teachers and students that a classroom can be commanded without violence.
As you have seen, Week 1 is music. Everyone in the class is doing the same thing, so Goal 1 can really only be achieved to a small extent. But in terms of discipline, I realize now that I had an extremely unrealistic idea of what it would be like to be in charge. I naively imagined that kids would react positively to kindness, and maybe show me respect if I showed it to them. When the real teacher is in the room, things generally run smoothly. The second the teacher steps out, however, kids go absolutely ballistic. Fighting, screaming, running around...immediately. I begin by respectfully asking students to pay attention, and when that doesn't work I resort to using some of the same language and tone that the teachers use. That has never worked for me, either. I have introduced the two-finger peace sign to some classes--meaning quiet--and it generally works once or twice before the kids realize that no one is going to get a stick-slap on the hands from me for continuing their horseplay. When I can't continue, students in the front row always say "Madame, you must use the beating stick!" Okay, no, sorry, although I have the authority to use "the beating stick" (maybe) I am not going to do that. Ever. But I have deduced that it is literally the ONLY mechanism for keeping these kids in line. They take nothing else seriously. And I think they take advantage of me because they know that I wouldn't do anything with it other than slam it on a desk (which I tried, and then I couldn't not laugh about it because I felt like using it for real would make me such a monster).
I had some extra time the other day with one of the Class 6 groups (like 6th grade) as we waited for their teacher to return to the class to dismiss them at the end of the day. I asked them questions, a few of them asked me questions, but it was still pretty chaotic, probably about 10% of the group was actually engaged in conversation. A frequent question I get is "why do you write with your left hand?" and another one I got that day was "why do teachers write 'A+ and C- on your homework?" I answered all of their questions and had a good time doing so.
Finally a girl asked (after I admitted that I would never hit any of them), "Madame, was there beating at your school?"
"No, there was no beating," I replied with a slight smile.
The entire room fell into a stunned silence. I had literally never seen a classroom at that school so quiet. I smiled bigger--I couldn't help it, mostly because they were actually listening to what I was saying...and because I secretly wanted the entire student and teacher population to know that fact about where I come from. And I was nervous because I wasn't sure how to explain why, especially without being offensive.
"What do the teachers do then?"
Uh...two-finger peace signs? Rewards for good behavior? What? I don't know. Smaller classes definitely help. And teachers send kids to the principal's office. Get their parents involved. All things that could never realistically be done here.
So...I have no idea what to do. I am in a pretty constant state of stress because I can't think of anything to do beyond this week with incredibly large groups of kids that I have to acquire my own resources for and that I can't even control on my own. It's not really something I can talk to the teachers about, especially because I essentially volunteered myself for this whole thing. I've had a really good time this week--even despite difficulties, there have been some incredible moments and a lot of learning being done on both sides--but when I think beyond Friday I start freaking out.
I've never worked completely alone like this. I've never had no one that I had to agree with or no one in my situation to bounce ideas off of. I understand that I pretty much put myself into this situation by choice, but it makes me feel pretty lonely.
A friend wrote this to me before my summer in Paraguay and I have been drawn to it these past few days. Especially trying to believe the last few lines...
"You are human in your fear.
Grow as you draw from the deep courage.
Do not lose your sense of awe and wonder for unknowns,
Even when those are part of you.
Explore and observe;
Rediscover continually that fear;
The tangle of vines, webs, branches
That cause you unease;
The moments on the edge of feeling fine.
Fear, however dark, will be soil.
As the wind blows,
Say out loud again 'I'm scared!'
But say to all of your listening self too: 'I won't forget this feeling when it leaves, untangles and all is well.'
Know in confidence that fear gives way,
Shakes free and unearths something too."
Hi friend. What a challenge! What I mostly love about your writing is how you are able to untangle your expectations and realize how cultural all of our ideas and understandings are! What about some group work games? My fav is the human knot, and since you can only have like, groups of 8, you can make it a competition to untangle the human knot 1st (but keep a close eye out for rule-breaking! I like to stand on a chair :) )
ReplyDeleteOr, something where they have to work in groups to produce an end product, that they can show to their peers (we did this with political parties- you had to talk about 3 things that would be your platform- prob. NOT a good plan for elem. aged kids) but you could have them do some sort of performances since they like dancing? And end it all with a talent show?
And, if they really like asking you questions, bring a box or a jar that they can write them down and put them in the box and then you can take time each day to answer them. Maybe it would captivate them if there's the drama of wondering if their question will be drawn.
Or maybe those things won't work at all, but regardless, I'll bet they'll all continue talking about the white girl who's left-handed and won't use the stick long after you're gone... keep on with it, Caitlin!! :)
How about a LOUD whistle?
ReplyDeleteWOW! what an experience. I cannot imagine how overwhelming all of this must feel.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I don't have any idea what you should do or what you should try next. I read your other post too and see that things have gotten worse. My only thought is that maybe you could put their self portraits on sticks and turn them into puppets that can sing the songs you are teaching them. :)
Great friend to write that cool poem for you, by the way. ;)